“Prior Planning. Scheduling Myself. Channelling My Inner-No-Nonsense Take-No-Prisoners Subconscious-Stealth-Ninja!”
What Was I Thinking??!
Upon reflection, a far more realistic projection should have read : ‘Slightly Optimistic. Curiously Confident. Most Decidedly To Be Challenged!’.
Like most, I pride myself on being fully focused and ‘on-point’ with pre-conference planning – lets just say my intention was challenged to align with my reality, and ….that’s okay.
Planning and coordinating my new list of essential to-do’s requires focus, dedication and mindfulness – I recognised that managing the successful implementation of these new habits, in the proper sequencing, away from the typical predictability of my regular home environment would naturally be slightly challenging. What I hadn’t anticipated, however, was the judgement – yes, *the judgement* I would place upon myself, as I went through the various steps of sequencing the new habits into my days away at the conference.
All change requires committed focus, self-control and self-discipline which I totally get -though I have to say it all felt a little foreign to me ….at times.
Deadlines, responsibilities, completing tasks .. all things I tend generally to achieve – for the most part; and yet, I noticed my subtle resistance to the fulfilment of my personal requirements when accommodating the needs of others. And I acted upon it! I started noticing my resistance, welcoming it almost, acknowledging it but redirecting it; which – to be frank, felt great! Also, noticing when I would succumb and then recognising the self-berating judgement and head-speak .. and frustratingly ‘weirder-still’, that it wouldn’t stop until I had achieved the requirements I had personally committed to doing.
For some time now I have been replaying the clip The Golden Buddha (from Alan Cohen’s documentary Finding Joe) reflecting on ‘the cement’ which ways us down;and the observation (or constant judgement) we tend to cast upon ourselves regularly – moreso than upon or against others. It makes me wonder just how we came to this point. Did the Primordial Caveman pause to reflect? NO! He Acted! On Impulse. On Intuition. On Trusting Gut Instinct.
I know I need to rely on trusting my gut far more (and stop second guessing myself) in the process.
How many other people on this wonderful planet, of which we share, feel the same? I wonder?
For Now I am Content. On Being Intent. To Learn The Habits and Requirements Essential For My Growth.